Friday 20 February 2015

Wrong Chemistry

And then, you hear the song of it. Again.
You could not see it coming
So, all of a sudden
You brake.
You fall to he floor, yes you fall to fast.
You don't really want to suffer
It could not be.
When you realize all that is lost,
All that you always saw getting lost.
Sadness. Anguish. Prision.
You have a choice now.
You didn't have it before.
I know. But instead of planning the future,
Your past, it does not leave you.
An empty chest, such deep sacars.
It won't leave you. I see you trying.
I've been Strong, I've been trying so hard,
But not for much longer.
My walls are braking.
 You have broken my walls for such a long time.
Memories from another life haunt me.
They hit me on my face.
You've Always been through so much, darling
The time is close now.
I'm weak, too weak for all that.
I don't have him to save me anymore. He left.
All that vanished.
Like the moon of every night that we shared
It was not supposed to be this tough,
It could not be.
I am going alone, and for now
Making it on my own.
They try to help me. No one does it really.
The silence kills. The music suffocates me.
So where did we go in the end?
Thoughts of what could have been
Of everything. Thoughts of everyday.
You wonder why forever? Why always forever?
Why the craving for living?
Why the craving for surviving?
I want something. I cannot have it.
It should have stopped me.
I'd rather yes.
Wrong, wrong chemistry.

Wednesday 18 February 2015

 

Desmoronar Enfim

Diga-me como é quando as lágrimas secam
Quando os gritos já não mais soam
E então, o que permanece?
O mundo sempre muda, eles dizem
E se eu permanecer?
O que será, se eu destruir?
Se contra tudo e todos eu me puser?
Já não era sem tempo.
Eu não podia mais esperar.
Não poderia perder mais nada,
Porque já tudo havia se perdido.
E esse ponto é sua natureza!
Quando não se há mais o que perder,
Quando não há mais algo que se queira ganhar
E quando assim, tanto já se passou,
Que não importa mais o que virá
A destruição me muda.
A destruição me fortalece
Nos sentidos mais longínquos e puros de minh'alma
E aí não há mais solução.
Chego ao ponto sem volta.
Daí em diante, somente caminhar se pode
Não sinto, não ligo, nem espero ou tento.
Sem motivo, sem fala, sem ouvir.
Sem direção
Quando tudo então se vai, e tu permaneces.
Quando não há coisa que se possa fazer
E quando chegares lá
Não se desespere
Não se angustie.
Faça o que tiver que ser feito,
Não importando o que seja.
Caminhe. Não pare.
Não existem mais arrependimentos agora
Tudo se desmorona
E tudo se vai.
Nada mais nos atinge
Nada chega até nós, não há influências.
Somente o céu, a paisagem e o vento.
Como eu houve de chegar aqui, me pergunto.
Tampo os ouvidos
Para escutar o que flui através de meu ser
Posso ouvir.
Depois que tudo se foi.
Alto e claro.
Sem mais preocupações
Sem distinções.
Nada consegue me afetar.
Não mais é fraca a minha natureza.
Tudo se acaba.
Se foi então, que seja
Desmoronou enfim.
E também eu me fui.
Não sou mais o mesmo alguém.
E eu desmorono em mim
Dentro, fora de mim.
Então no fim, que tanto se espera
Assim se faz
E sinto-me desmoronar, enfim.


Tuesday 17 February 2015

The Raven 
             Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
         Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
       While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
        As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
       “’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
                   Only this and nothing more.”
 
           Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
       And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
           Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
           From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
       For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
                   Nameless here for evermore.
 
          And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
       Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
           So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
           “’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door—
       Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;—
                   This it is and nothing more.”
 
           Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
       “Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
           But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
           And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
         That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—
                     Darkness there and nothing more.
 
          Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
       Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
           But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
          And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”
       This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—
                   Merely this and nothing more.
 
           Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
       Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
           “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;
             Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—
         Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—
                     ’Tis the wind and nothing more!”
 
          Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
       In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
           Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
           But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—
       Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
                   Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
 
       Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
       By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
        “Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,
        Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore—
         Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”
                     Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
 
          Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
       Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
      For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
           Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door—
       Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
                   With such name as “Nevermore.”
 
           But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
       That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
           Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—
           Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—
       On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.”
                   Then the bird said “Nevermore.”
 
           Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
       “Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store
           Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
           Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—
       Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
                   Of ‘Never—nevermore’.”
 
           But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
       Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
           Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
           Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—
       What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
                   Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”
 
           This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
       To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
           This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
          On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,
       But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,
                   She shall press, ah, nevermore!
 
           Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
       Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
           “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee
           Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;
       Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”
                   Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
 
           “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—
       Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
           Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—
          On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—
         Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
                   Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
 
           “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!
       By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—
          Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
           It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
       Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”
                   Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
 
           “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—
       “Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
           Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
           Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!
       Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”
                   Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
 
           And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
       On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
           And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
           And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
       And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
                   Shall be lifted—nevermore! 
 - By EDGAR ALLAN POE